10 Lies Record Collectors Tell Their Significant Others


When it comes to addiction, the first step is admitting you have a problem. So here it goes…my name is Dave…and…I’m addicted to vinyl. My wife understands. She’s very supportive.

But still, even my wife’s support has limits.

Every relationship should be built on a strong foundation of honesty. But I also recognize that the addicts among us have our own idea of what constitutes a healthy amount of vinyl. Your spouse may feel differently.

So if you need a quick fiblet at the ready for the next time you’re caught redhanded with another square-shaped mail delivery, here are a few I’ve heard from our fellow vinyl junkies:

  1. I pre-ordered this months ago. It just showed up today.
  2. That’s the sticker price. I actually paid way less.
  3. This is the first record I’ve bought in a month.
  4. This is the last record I’ll buy for a month.
  5. I paid for this with money I made selling other records
  6. I’m planning to sell it for twice what I paid.
  7. This is a gift for a friend I’ve not yet met.
  8. A $200 Whitney Houston record!? The mailman clearly made a mistake. I’m returning this. *whispers to record “My Preciousssssss.”
  9. It’s not a record. It’s a Laserdisc. Did you know Laserdisc’s are back?
  10. I didn’t buy that. Drunk me bought that.